Hi, I’m Dr. Nanika Coor.
I’m a clinical psychologist, but you might also call me a respectful parenting enthusiast or maybe even a mindful parenting activist.
I help parents who have a desire to parent in a respectful way but feel held back by their histories with their own parents and caregivers.
I work with parents who find themselves on auto-pilot, acting toward their children in ways that actually go against their desires to parent differently than they were parented themselves.
You don’t need judgements. You need help navigating the ways that the unfinished business from your childhood plays out in your parenting.
Why do I do this work?
Well, as a therapist for children I worked closely with parents and caregivers. I noticed how much my young client’s progress in therapy was related to the quality of the relationship with their parents.
It dawned on me that another way for me to help children was to help their parents understand what was getting in the way of really connecting with their children. Because a strong connection not only gives a caregiver more influence on their child’s behaviors, but also helps their child to heal.
Also – I’ve been there.
I know from my own personal path to respectful parenting that identifying who you want to be as a parent is one piece of the puzzle, but BEING who you want to be as a parent can be an ongoing struggle. Changing your old wiring is no easy task. It takes intention and comprehensive self-examination to really understand why it’s so hard for you to tolerate your child’s resistance, intense emotions, or their particular way of being in the world.
How do I help?
I guide you on a journey of deeply examining your own experiences of being parented, which is key for understanding why your child’s words and actions are so triggering for you. Awareness of your past’s influence on your thoughts and behaviors as a parent grounds you in the present moment. You are increasingly able to pause and reflect during times of stress. You can begin to get better and quicker at noticing your own feelings so you can respond consciously – and with a little more empathy, patience, and sensitivity in the heat of the moment.
Peeling back the layers of your childhood and clarifying your own unmet needs as a child makes it that much easier to meet those needs in your child. You begin to see the world through your child’s eyes. Taking your child’s perspective helps you pull yourself back to a place of compassion and self-control over and over again – even when it’s hard.
What’s different about me?
The internet gives you an endless choice of therapists. Here’s a grab bag of qualities that are important to me that can help you get an idea of how I might be unique:
There is nothing that is off-limits for us to talk about. There are no words that are not okay to say. I’ve heard it all, you won’t shock me. It’s important to me that you feel safe enough to express even the dark shameful stuff. You might even want to talk about what’s going on between you and me. That’s great! When you’re feeling something strongly, whatever it is – let’s talk about it.
I’ve been known to tell it like I see it. I can be straightforward, assertive, even firm – yet I put kindness first and I’m always on your team. Still, I will hold up a mirror and challenge you to see who you really are in the world and how your child might be experiencing you.
Courage is parenting non-traditionally, without the use of coercion, punishment, threats and control. Courage is me telling you what you might need to hear, even when it’s uncomfortable for us both. Courage is the willingness to look at how you’re contributing to what’s going on between you and your child and considering changing it. Courage is feeling the fear and doing it anyway.
The fact that you’re still reading this probably means that actively trying to improve your parenting is important to you – and that kind of effort has value in itself. You’re doing the best you can. You won’t make yourself do better by making yourself feel worse. Give up the guilt and start giving yourself some credit. Don’t worry – I’ll remind you when you forget.
I’ve got a lot of get-up-and-go! I’m pretty perky – even a little cheeky at times. Listen, this is deep stuff to talk about! There will be plenty of opportunities for us to be serious, but let’s face it, laughter is just the kind of release an emotionally exhausted parent needs now and again. So yeah, there will be mirth.
I think that parents do well if they can. If you’re not doing so well, it’s probably because you’re lacking the emotional and practical skills to do better. Luckily, it’s never too late to learn to identify and develop the skills you’re missing. While you’re learning and growing, I’ll accept and validate you for where and who you are right now.
Raising children with respect, empathy, and collaboration is a gift you give not only to your children, but also to the child you once were, to the person you are now, and to the world your children will inherit.
I hope you’ll get in touch with me to find out more about how I can help you master your inner game of parenting.
Ready to unpack those triggers? Make an appointment